Oprah's On.... I Need To Get Wasted....

The purpose of my blog is to comfort the fucked up. When one feels their life is beyond fucked up, turning to my ramblings should bring a sense of normalcy to your waste of life. Let's face it, I'm way more fucked up than you are. If by chance you find your life has become what you perceive to be more fucked up than mine, please turn to my emergency fucked up person suggestion – Mackenzie Phillips.

Help me out here, but would Mackenzie just over dose already? It's next to impossible to find someone more fucked up than her. She makes Charlie Manson seem like a Paw Ingalls. I still think Paw was slipping Half Pint his meat, Mary saw so he poked her eyes out, but that is a whole other story.

Last evening while making a taco pie, one of those Hollywood rag shows was on the television. Headlining was that Mackenzie is checking herself into the Celebrity Rehab cable series. First, that's not rehab nor is structured like a reputable rehab. Second, does anyone care if Mackenzie Phillips even lives? So her father got her hooked on drugs at an early age – get over it. Worse shit has happened to people out in the world and they have managed to move on. Elisabeth Fritzl's father locked her ass in a basement for 24 years and knocked her up seven times. We don't have to watch her ass on Oprah – she's moved on.

I'm not doubting Mackenzie's story about fucking her father. They were both fucked up and am sure it seemed cool to them at the time. What pisses me off is after Papa Phillips is six feet under, the whore then writes a book about her “rape”. It wasn't rape – she admits she consented yet still wants to call it rape. Shit doesn't work like that. Then her douche crap about aborting their “love child”. Just listening to the shit come out of her mouth makes me want to tie a buzz on. Bottom line is once he died her gravy train was cut off. Mackenzie really never did fuck with her life and lived off his coin. Obviously what money she got from her memoirs of sex with daddy didn't last long. Sadly Celebrity fake Rehab is willing to throw some coin her way now. What will this junkie come up with next?

Next time you're feeling like a major fuck up, take a moment and answer the following questions:

1. Did you do a lot of drugs and fuck Mick Jagger?
2. Did your dad listen as Mick Jagger fucked you?
3. Did you do a shit load of drugs, fuck your father, then tell Oprah?
4. Are you white? If so Oprah does not care about you.
5. Did you go on Oprah after you wrote a book about fucking your father while on drugs?
6. Is Oprah a fat racist pig? Oh, and did you fuck your father and then have an abortion?
7. Why the fuck is Oprah even on television?

After really giving those questions some deep thought, you'll see you're not so fucked up – but boy that Mackenzie Phillips sure is. Maybe it's not such a bad thing Mackenzie lives. It's comforting to know someone way more fucked up than I am is still alive to make me feel better about myself.