Some things in life I'll never get. The whole church concept is a major one. People who hit rock bottom often find salvation in the church. Some people go way off the deep end and end up in a Jim Jones style cult thinking it's a church. I find the cult concept much more entertaining than church. Good cults always end up committing mass suicides and make for interesting reading.
I've met so many in recovery who claim Jesus saved them. They're not talking about Jesus the illegal Mexican who cuts their lawn. It's the son of God Jesus who no one has actually met in person. This is the same guy which cultures have waged war in his name killing countless numbers. Shit, the Muslims are still blowing themselves up claiming it to be in the name of God. My favorite is when high profile people get busted and suddenly put their fate in God's hands. If they don't want to answer a question as to what they really did, they turn the question and say it's up to God's will. What is God's will and how does that keep your guilty ass out of jail? Even mass murders seem to think finding God will suddenly erase the fact they butchered a shit load of people.
When forced, I've done the church thing. It always amazes me how nice everyone is there. Take the exact same group of people, put them in a movie theater verses a church, and they aren't going to be that fucking nice. The same guy who shakes your hand in church with the peace be with you line would steal your seat and tell you to fuck off at the movie theater. Another thing to observe if you go to a church is what happens when mass is over. Once people get out of the building, it's like hell on wheels to get in their car and get the fuck away. Seriously people drive like maniacs to get out of the church parking lot. I'm surprised there isn't a higher incident of deaths by cars in church parking lots.
What I have noticed most about being in a church is how bad farts smell. The same fart at home doesn't smell like if you farted in church. I often wonder if those wood seats make farts smell worse. It could also be possible so many people have farted on those seats that fart molecules remain in the wood. When someone farts, it's not only their stink, but the remnant molecules of every person who farted before them. This creates an unbalanced fart which smells worse than the standard fart. For some reason, everyone just deals with these nasty assed mixed farts when in a church. No dirty looks, no one gets up and leaves in disgust, they just act as if there is no gut wrenching smell. Maybe they believe that line of Satan crawling out of your ass and take the smell as an exorcism. All I know is church is the only place you can get away with farting and no one makes a comment or passes a dirty look. I try to fart in church just for this reason.
For those going to church today, or the next time you go, I dare you, fart. You'll see what I am talking about. Your fart will smell way worse than if you farted at home. God bless and peace be with you.
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